on being lonely

1-10-20

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Today is not a good day, in fact its not the best day. 

Actually, its the worst day since I have been here. 

I wake up and its sunny outside after a full rain day yesterday, so that sets me up for a good day. I get ready for my lecture, I drink my coffee, and there's the catch, I don't feel well. 

In fact, I feel awful.  

I don't think I know how to be alone anymore, which is ironic as I am someone who enjoyed being alone for at least half of my life if not more. 

But no, I don't like my company anymore, I don't enjoy being with myself and my thoughts, it drives me crazy. I, drive me crazy. 

Maybe its the choice, I chose to be alone in the past but now I didn't. Well I kind of did, but not like this. Being alone, alone while the entire world around you is seemingly going in pairs feels bad. 

It feels lonely. 

And that's different.