Sincerely, Hagar

5-10-20 - It's funny how a person can be sure of something, then five years later have no idea what made them so sure.  I don't think I know who I am anymore. I based my entire life when I was 18 years old on who I was when I was 18 years old.  Now at 25, I have no idea why I made all those choices back then, what made me think I will stick with them.  I don't listen to the same music anymore, I don't even listen to music that much anymore. I don't read as much sadly. I don't have the same feelings about people, I don't even have the same friends I had back then.  And I know that this is life, that's supposed to happen but it's also so weird. weird, complicated and a little alarming.  Because when you have based everything on your past self, it feels like your future self is a foreign alien who has no idea what she's doing.  And that's exactly how I feel these days.  With too much time to think and the next steps waiting for me to take them, ...

"One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You're bored. You're depressed. You're shy. You're stuck up. You're judgmental. When others can't read us, they write their own story-not always one we choose or that's true to who we are." - Sophia Dembling. Aleph Collective (instagram) This quote pretty much sums up my entire life. I am a fairly quite person, I like to talk only when necessary and if we just met I will most probably sit there observing the scene, not uttering one single word. And that I think opened the door for the biggest misunderstanding of my existence. People think I am arrogant, stuck up, boring, shy, intimidating, you name it. They take a look at me and when they realise I am not capable of holding up a conversation on the first meeting they start speculating. And later on, if they stick around long enough to see the real me, which is hopefu...

Every year comes to an end and there comes a new one. Usually, I am not someone that really makes a big deal out of it because it's just marked time. Funnily enough, every year for the past two years everyone in the house falls asleep before the clock strikes 12 on new year's day. I think that globally, we could all agree 2016 was not a good year. On a personal level, everyone's also glad to be getting rid of it. However, I will for once beg to differ; although it is the same every year with people wishing the year to be over so they could start with a clean slate, new resolutions and all that, this year that wasn't me. I had a lot to be thankful for, a lot to look back on and in the end realised it was a really good year -birthday mark and calendar mark-. I don't think it can be measured by how many countries you've visited, lovers you've scored or bucket list items you've checked. The biggest lesson I've learnedrd this year was that happi...