Sincerely, Hagar

The idea of letting go of something or someone so close to our heart is sometimes one of the worst and most painful ideas ever because you could feel the ache right there in your chest but you know there's nothing to be done about it. You either hurt yourself or hurt the person you love the most. Sometimes letting them go is for their best, sometimes it's for yours. Sometimes the misery you both have to battle through is better than being together.  Sometimes the painful, dull ache you feel whenever you hear their name is better than always hearing them say your name.  Sometimes you're not given the choice to walk away or say goodbye. Sometimes it's ripped right away from your hands before you could blink and it leaves you there, aching, hurting and most of all coping. Coping with not having them there all the time, coping with not being able to call them yours or even have their name on the tip of your tongue anymore. It's all taken away ...

"One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You're bored. You're depressed. You're shy. You're stuck up. You're judgmental. When others can't read us, they write their own story-not always one we choose or that's true to who we are." - Sophia Dembling. Aleph Collective (instagram) This quote pretty much sums up my entire life. I am a fairly quite person, I like to talk only when necessary and if we just met I will most probably sit there observing the scene, not uttering one single word. And that I think opened the door for the biggest misunderstanding of my existence. People think I am arrogant, stuck up, boring, shy, intimidating, you name it. They take a look at me and when they realise I am not capable of holding up a conversation on the first meeting they start speculating. And later on, if they stick around long enough to see the real me, which is hopefu...

Happily ever afters are so unrealistic, I have always known that, and the older I get the more I believe it. And yet, I am a sucker for watching them, stories that jump hoops to give a happily ever after to its characters. Hoops that in real life would break the necks of their jumpers and end the fairy-tale and the happily ever after bubble in a very realistic manner. In one of my favourite movies, ‘Stuck in Love’ one of the characters who’s a writer poses a very important question, “I am not quite sure what compels us to continue playing make believe even after we grow up”. Watching that scene always seriously makes me wonder about it, why? Why do we do that? Why do I as an adult love and will probably always love watching movies that have unrealistic endings where everything falls in place like a puzzle? That’s not right, its highly illogical and yet I still watch it anyways. I still laugh, cry and feel about it. For me, it’s a from of escape. A w...

Recently, I have become acquainted with a person who is so full of love, it's spilling out of them anywhere and everywhere they go. Not love in the way we have grown to identify "love" but real LOVE towards everything and everyone in a way that is almost eerie and unidentifiable to me.  I, someone who more or less seldom shows love, is very hard to love and is just very wary around anything and anyone with a relationship that has the L word in it.  Knowing that person, seeing the way they view the world, or try to view the world, despite the daily challenges, the shitty people and everything else, with love, has shed a whole new light on the way I have grown to view things. Everything in this world is almost carried with love, we are made with love, created with love, pushed into the world with love. Despite the side effects of it all, the way the world treats everyone, we all still somehow look, search for and if lucky enough manage to find love.  And it ...