A very stressed blurb

These past two months have been very very hectic, stressful in many ways to sum it up. The minute senior year of uni kicked off, there was not one day that passed were I wasn't absolutely miserable at the end of the day.

Hi, hello whats up, it has been forever. In fact, I have been trying to write this post (checks drafts) since September!

Everything has been s o rushed to the point were before I know it two+ months have passed.

With the field of study I have chosen, researches were done way too many times these past few years, and it is no secret that I am not the best brainstorm-er out there. I have ideas in my head, however they are rather hard to explain or execute on paper a lot of times.

As I am writing this it is the end of insanely busy two weeks were I basically went to uni, ate, barely slept and spent 95% of my time in front of the laptop with the irritation eye drops on the ready.

Two final projects were supposed to be submitted and presented in this time frame. Two that might have been light if it wasn’t for all the work, brainstorming and rebuilding of ideas way too many times.

The thing about me is, I am not a perfectionist, I do not aim for that A, however, what I always aim for is to always submit work that I am quite satisfied with and if possible proud of. Not to say I don’t have the casual ‘sod it, I am submitting this piece of crap’ way too many times for my own liking.

With this kind of work and busy environment, it is almost impossible for me to not be stressed. And the thing about stress is, it varies from one person to another, some people work extremely well under stress, some people get broken by stress and others find stress as a symptom they can simply brush to the side.

Personally, stress makes me a mix of all three types. I am currently sitting down after submitting and presenting the last one of the two, and I can thankfully say I am quite proud of both of them, regardless of what the instructors might think (fingers crossed they’re not completely rubbish).

This leaves one of the main and biggest projects throughout this year which is the graduation project and I don’t even want to think about the amount of stress that is going to ensue these coming weeks until the initial final presentation.  

by Amna Wael (alephcollective on instagram)

What prompted me to think/write about this was a vlog by Lily Pebbles I have been watching where she moved house and was talking about how stressed it made her, how it affected how she looks and how in this process people are normally stressed.

And it was the way she talked about the stress that made me realise that everyone has their moments of breakdown. Some people breeze through uni years, doing everything, while managing to have a social life, family life and excel at side careers, I am however not that person, and that is okay.

Stress makes me either so engrossed in the work to the point where I am angry, irrational and all other aspects of my life are falling apart. Or I am winging it and staying in bed all day, thinking about all the work that needs to be done whilst watching so much Buzz-feed videos for my own good. 

And I am still in uni! This is basically child play, I have never properly worked a day in my life, every single internship I have been to I was basically a complete disaster, and the nearer the end of my senior year gets the more stressed I get thinking about work, future and what I might or might not be doing a year from now.

Thinking about the future is stressful for so many people, especially fresh graduates, and in this day, age and economy I doubt anyone's stress is unjustified. And yet, everyone finds their way out.

I think I chose to wait and write this on a day where I am not consumed by tears and way too many food to contain all the stress and butterflies, and yet I cannot lie and say that I know for sure that a year from now, three months after I would have graduated (fingers crossed again) I would have had a plan in order. 

I cannot know for sure what would happen tomorrow let lone a year from now, and yet I cannot stop getting stressed about it and rethinking over and over again about what might be, and what should be. 

But it is okay. 

It is okay because this is life.

Because I am not the only stressed person on the entire planet.

Because there are people out there who are in far worse positions than me and are managing to get their shit together one way or another.

Because regardless of all the tears, breakouts, hair lost and pounds gained, I am here, nearing the end of the halfway mark of this journey and I still haven't lost my mind (lol). 

And most importantly it is okay because well, it is not, but it will be. One day it will. 

It is okay because life is crazy and life is hectic and stressful and that is the way things are. Yet, there comes a point amidst all the stress where you get to sit back, take a breath and enjoy the moment at hand.